Scarlet Glutton & Background Gossip
by Mugen7
Summary: Erza seems to have developed a stronger craving for strawberry cake and everyone is wondering why. After much gossiping about the redhead's sweet tooth, Fairy Tail gets hit with a few surprises along the way. [Complete]


**A/N** **: An attempt at writing some humour; no idea how well I did really - had to seek ideas from elsewhere to help me write certain parts - so, hopefully this piece of work is passable enough to be deemed "funny". Plus, I have a feeling there'll be some grammatical errors here and there - something that we try to avoid surely - so try not to let it get to ya (I wouldn't really consider myself that grand at writing even with all the reading I do from time-to-time). Anyways, let's get this over with (Rated 'M' just to be on the safe side).**

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 **Disclaimer** **: Fairy Tail is own by Hiro Mashima.**

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 **Scarlet Glutton & Background Gossip**

* * *

Erza was eating greedily, wolfing down slices of cake like a glutton. Nothing else in the world mattered to her but the rich and zesty flavour of her favourite creamy delicacy.

To see the prestigious scarlet-haired woman be so ravenous with her prime choice of dessert was not an uncommon sight to behold, however, when she started to go through the guild's entire homemade stock of strawberry cake – specifically reserved for her expense – then one is bound to ask questions, or at the very least be curious.

The first to take note of Erza's peculiar behaviour was none other than Mirajane, who had begun serving the plus-dozen of whole cake dishes to her long-time friend and rival. Usually the eldest sibling of the Strauss trio could earn the redhead's attention with ease – because although Erza was highly absorbed when eating her cake and having it too, her focus was not so detained that she couldn't multi-task, eating her fill whilst staying in tuned with her surroundings or having a conversation in the process. That didn't seem to be case now though as the platinum-haired barmaid was all but ignored unless she brought another dish.

Mirajane often acted, or at least assumed the role as a pseudo leash for the Re-quip Mage when she came to her expecting. Should Erza get carried away with her indulgence Mirajane would _put her foot down_ , as it were, and decide when enough was enough. She's only ever had to do that a few times in the past and back then Erza had been less aggressive when wanting another helping. If booze were Cana's addiction, then strawberry cake was Erza's. However, unlike the Card Magic user Erza had become more sensible with her intake, but that wasn't accounting for now though.

Being the observant and intuitive woman that she usually is Mirajane knew that her friend's ravenous and vexing display of consumption was more than her developing a strong craving. Erza had lots of cravings but none this excessive. She was raptorial for dessert and she would not be broken from her hunger without setting off some sort of alarm. Fortunately for Mirajane she would not have to needlessly risk her own skin trying to get the redhead to settle down, because there were others to _break the ice_ for her.

People can be reckless in the guildhall, especially when Erza is occupied. Besmirching the woman's precious dessert in any sort of way equated to a death sentence – figuratively speaking – nevertheless close. So upon witnessing their fellow guildmate's overindulgence everyone present in the area proceeded with caution.

"That's quite the sweet tooth she has." Lucy had been reluctant to approach the busy woman once she became aware of her friend's newfound appetite – it wasn't often she bear witness to Erza being so voracious, and the rational part of her mind warned her to stay away from the woman – regardless the former heiress was all about greeting her friends, so she decided to throw caution to the wind and advance towards Erza.

She did wonder, fearfully, what would've happened if Gray hadn't frantically pulled her aside. He was panicky and calling her crazy, asking her if she wanted and early visit to the afterlife.

"If her sweet tooth is strawberry cake then her wisdom must be Magnolia Bakery." Was the raven-haired exhibitionist's witty retort. "At this rate she'll be heading over to the bakers to eat their stock."

Giggling at the implication Lucy couldn't help but picture a temperamental Erza storming into the local bakery demanding every strawberry cake they had.

"I wouldn't put it past her to do such a thing." Said the resident drunkard, taking a swig of her Jack Daniels as she sat cross-legged atop their table, "Wouldn't be the first time our darling red got eccentric over a slice of cake."

"Can't imagine the number of kilos all those dishes are bound to add on." Gray said dismissively.

"Don't talk to women about kilos," pausing to take another swig of her drink, "And we won't talk to you about centimetres, mister _cold exhibit_."

"Those centimetres are bound to be on the short end of the stick with how naturally _chilled_ you are."

The two women laughed and gave each other a high five.

Gray shook his head and drawled, "You're a pair of comedians." More cold jokes that never seemed to lose their zeal.

They weren't the only group chatting away – all around there was gossip regarding the _Queen of the Fairies_. Fairy Tail mages were feeling ever so brave talking behind the disciplinarian's back. While Erza may seem lost to the world they could never be too careful with their audacious remarks, which is why they kept the volume at a low. Although, not low enough.

"What do you think the problem is?" Lucy asked, "I mean there has to be a reason she's eating so much."

Gray rested his chin in the palm of his hand, "Does there really have to be a reason? perhaps she's just hungrier than usual."

Lucy scoffed, rolling her eyes at the Ice Alchemist's bland interpretation.

"Well if the gals got problems then she'll only be eating her way out of so many of them." The young Alberano murmured.

"Don't forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, _and_ the panties, as well as many other problems to." Gray added sending the brunette a cheeky grin.

"Touché Fullbuster." Cana replied giving the young man a playful slap to the head.

"I think this far exceeds being _hungrier than usual,_ Gray." The blonde started, "I've had my cravings before but I've never been that glutton."

Gray turned to the blonde woman relaying an expression of a deadpan guise, "Because three tubs of Ben 'n Jerry's cookie dough plus Peppermint Schnapps mixed with hot coco constitutes as tame."

"I was sick!" she pointed out indignantly, "And I wanted comfort food."

"No doubt."

"Care to elaborate _frosty_." Gray had a leer sent his way.

"Sometimes you don't know _your_ limits."

"Well I know mine." Cana chimed in – with her Jack Daniels long finished she opened a bottle of Jack Iron. "Once I'm down I'm out." As the hot liquid ran down her throat Cana let out a satisfactory sigh as her chest started to burn.

"No offence Cana but your limits are questionable."

"None taken."

"Well, it doesn't look like Erza will be reaching her limit any time soon." Gray spoke, and true to his word the redhead was still eating. "One day you're the best thing since sliced cake. The next you're burnt like soufflé." He finished offhandedly.

 _* THWACK! *_

"Ow!" Gray yelled from having his head smacked hard by his friend.

"Saw that coming," Cana stated with knowing eyes; there was no sympathy whatsoever for his last comment, "And it was hilarious."

As the scantily clad brunette laughed at Gray's misfortunate moment the doors to the guild burst open.

"WHAT'S UP EVERYONE!?"

"Oh dear god no." Came the Ice Mage's immediate response to hearing the Fire Dragon Slayer enter the guild. He was sure the spitfire of a mage was bound to cause trouble.

With the lack of response, the Dragon Slayer looked around with confusion before he was called over by Lucy.

"What's up with them?" Natsu asked the group of three.

"Erza has been eating strawberry cake like there's no tomorrow." Lucy answered, earning a look of perplexity from the fiery youth.

"Why is that so weird?" was the Dragon Slayer's second inquiry. Crossing his arms he peered over to the Re-quip Mage, watching with disinterest as the woman finished another whole cake and received her next. "She's done that before."

"Well this time it's a little more than excessive, even for her."

"Maybe she's _moody_." Above the group of friends Happy was floating, moving in a circle.

"Like when Luce starts eating lots of junk," quirking a single brow at his partner's opinion Natsu sweat-dropped after recalling a vivid memory of a time he – unannounced – entered the blonde's home to see her eating _junk_ , " _That_ kind of moody."

"I do _not_ eat junk!"

"Tell that to the trash full of ice cream tubs and glass bottles." The blue Exceed said mockingly, dodging a wild swipe in the process.

"QUIET YOU!" Lucy yelled, flailing her arms in a futile effort to strike to airborne feline.

Leaving Gray, Cana, and Lucy to make a spectacle of herself trying to assault the nimble cat, Natsu walked over to the bar where – surprisingly enough – Elfman was the barman.

"Hey Elfman."

"Hello Natsu." The hulk of a mage replied. He was gingerly polishing empty glasses. "What can I get you?"

"Fire-Whiskey." He requested.

"Coming right up."

While the male sibling prepared his drink Lisanna whizzed past him.

"Hey Natsu." She quickly greeted, hurrying over to Erza's table and swiftly collecting empty dishes like a seasoned waitress dealing with rush hour. "Bye Natsu." Heading back into the kitchen to prepare another helping of strawberry cake.

"...Huh."

"Here we go." Sliding the glass across the counter Natsu caught the drink in one hand.

Taking a sip of the fiery liquid and inhaling the lively flame on top, the Fire Mage's face lit up showing off a classic toothy grin, "Wow, you've gotten better Elfman." He said enthusiastically.

The larger mage's chest swelled with pride from receiving a positive compliment, "All these hours observing my sisters and practicing mixing drinks has made me undoubtedly skilled."

"I'll say." Drinking the whiskey down to half Natsu turns back to the centre of attention.

Whilst watching his childhood friend eat at speeds that would put competitive eaters to shame, his acute hearing picked up on a conversation originating from a far end of the guildhall.

 _"That my friends, is what an angry woman eater looks like."_

 _"Angry? try savage."_

 _"Ever wonder if she counts the calories?"_

 _"Doubt Erza really thinks about that."_

The Fire Dragon Slayer nodded his head sagely – not thinking about calories was something he could _totally_ agree on.

 _"She's not counting the calories, she's counting the slices."_

Listening to them snicker at that last joke Natsu cocked his head, "Why would you bother counting the slices?"

 _"All I know is that Erza better take it easy otherwise she'll ruin that amazing figure."_

 _"She'll have to set up a balanced diet."_

 _"A balanced diet for Erza is a slice of strawberry cake in each hand."_

That didn't make sense to him, "What if the slices don't weigh the same? How can it be balanced?"

 _"I think we can all agree that there ain't no dietary plan she would follow that didn't have strawberry cake in it."_

 _"I wonder when the extra weight will show?"_

 _"I wanna know_ where. _"_

"Why is that important?"

 _"Well it won't show now at least. Gotta give it time to set in."_

 _"They say the older you get the harder it is to lose those the extra pounds."_

 _"Before you know it_ F-A-T _and her will be besties."_

"...F-A-T... fat."

 _"They'll probably be more than besties if she doesn't stick a fork in it soon."_

"I'm confused..." If there is a single regret that the group of mages should of had for the talk that transpired and the numerous jokes they shared amongst themselves, it's that they all didn't have the common sense to stop speaking the moment Natsu Dragneel entered the guild, "Why would Erza wanna be best friends with fat?"

He didn't realize that he'd spoken too loudly, loud enough for everyone in the guild to hear.

"Oh nooo." Back with the group of three, plus one Exceed, Gray Fullbuster was as white as a ghost. Lucy and Happy were now holding onto each other for dear life, and Cana was frozen – the rim of her bottle inches away from her parted lips.

The entire guild had gone into a stasis of shock – an open void of silence.

One sentence. That one sentence he had just so casually spoken aloud, had just so happened to set the _calm_ before the storm.

' _What have you done'_ was the collective thought of the people who had their conversation exposed. They believed they still had a chance to be spared, they still had hope.

"Natsu..." The sound of metal meeting ceramic was heard alongside the redhead speaking for the first time since placing her first order. Grabbing a napkin Erza gently wiped her mouth before placing the cloth back onto the table.

The building fury was kept within her. He knew this – instinct was warning him of the lurking danger soon to arise from every fibre of the scarlet-haired woman's being. Fight or flight was all there was, but the two paths were inconsequential to survival. It did not matter what you planned, how fast you planned, how you reacted, nor how _fast_ you reacted. Erza was _always_ one step ahead when passing judgement, and there was absolutely _no chance_ , of escaping her onslaught.

"Would you please be so kind, as to point out the individuals who, _complimented_ , me." When she spoke her tone of voice was levelled – so flat that chills were running up and down people's spines.

Natsu's body was on autopilot; with a single arm raised the salmon-haired spitfire pointed a stiff finger at the unfortunate group of gossipers who were growing paler by the second from being baited out - there goes hope - by the Salamander, who was looking like an innocent child with curious eyes.

"Thank you, Natsu. You have been most helpful." Not once did she bother to directly look at the Dragon Slayer or where she needed to go. Like the vision of an avian, Erza did not need to move her eyes, she could see _very_ clearly. "Please excuse me, I will be back momentarily."

Stalking towards her prey with perfect posture the silent and angry redhead found malicious satisfaction in seeing the group squirm, filled with grief and despair.

"So..." body engulfed in a brilliant light Erza had begun to switch armaments, "You must take me for a fool..." light became black ripples – cascading and moulding to her body's shape, "You think I'm _fat!? I know you do._ Well let me tell _you_ something _I_ am not _fat!_ Have I put on a few extra pounds yes, yes I have but I am by _no means fat!_ And so what if I got bigger? Are you going make something of it you _smartasses, HUH!?_ " Obsidian coloured her physique and straight scarlet tresses turned into live lashing tendrils, "I have been _very_ emotional lately..."

"Aye! I knew it."

"And if I want to keep eating strawberry cake till I settle down, **_then I will damn well eat strawberry cake until I have bloody well settled down!_** If I so happen to get _'fat'_ then it is not some **_crisis_** that you need to make jokes over. But in the end, you're _jokes_ are **_insignificant to me, because I am Titania, Erza-Motherfucking-Scarlet, and I will ALWAYS look, feel and be sexy no matter what size I am._** " Brandishing a long, black slab of earth with pitch black spikes the fierce woman lifted the crude weapon skyward, "You all clearly lack etiquette, and since you are all so blatantly oblivious then I think I am well within my right to tell you, _**that you should never talk about a woman's weight.**_ "

* * *

Sometimes he wished he didn't have to do paperwork, in fact he wished he didn't have to do paperwork altogether. He often thought to himself from time to time if there was a shortcut for reading and filling out documents faster.

"If only I could duplicate myself." Bringing both of his index and middle fingers together Makarov forms a cross, _"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"_

... ... ...

"Sigh, was worth a try." Separating his fingers the elderly Guild Master massaged his temples, "A quiet day for boring work."

Yes, quiet. Even when locked away in his office Makarov was still able to hear downstairs – because his children were so noisy it was hard not to hear them causing a ruckus – however it had become so eerily quiet that he couldn't hear anything.

 ** _* CRASH! * - * CRACK! *_**

The resounding noise and frightful tremor had the old man jumping out of his seat in panic.

"WHAT IN THE BLAZES!?"

 ** _* BAM! * - * SWOOSH * - * WHOOSH! *_**

"No-No-No-No-No!"

Running faster than his tiny legs should've been able to move him, Makarov had bolted out of his office and dashed down the hallway, zooming down the stairs and skidding to a rapid halt as he reached the main floor and looked at the sight before him.

Makarov had to be thankful for good living and the comfort of his guild for allowing him to live this long. He also knew, that his children were bound – without a shred of doubt – to be the death of him one of these days.

" _Haaaaaahhhhhh..."_ his ghostly vocal was a clear indication that he could barely speak at all, although it was not enough of a tell-tale of how distraught and drained he was, "Why...? Why...?"

Cracked and unlevelled flooring; splintered wood; thrashed and sundered tables. That was the start of it all. A single section of the guildhall had been dedicated to abuse, and amongst the wreckage and gashed artistry were a pile of bodies; unconscious and ready to be hospitalized.

"What's up Gramps?"

Makarov turned to the Dragon Slayer, slowly, still aghast and seemingly ready to faint from seeing his guild wrecked for the umpteenth time, "Why...?" One word was all he could manage to speak so far.

"Erza was angry." The salmon-haired teen answered; finishing his drink he asked Elfman to make him another.

"...Why...?"

"Erza got called fat."

The gears and cogs in his head seemed to slow to an all-time low for him; the Re-quip Mage was beyond such criticism and any insults thrown her way. If someone had insulted a close member of the guild or Fairy Tail itself then sure, that would warrant a show of wrath, but his aged mind greatly struggled to comprehend just _why_ being called fat would cause Erza to savage a large portion of the guild, and _why_ someone called her fat to begin with. For Mavis sake, the young woman had hardly _any_ body fat to show for so _why!?_

Scouting out the cause of the wreckage, Makarov's soulless eyes watched as the scarlet-haired knight sat at her table, leisurely eating her favourite cake in the company of an unexpected guildmate.

Erza herself was feeling much better than before; she felt so relaxed and at ease that she had forgotten – for a moment – why she was angry at all. Her vexations were quelled and a taxing weight had been expelled from her mind and body.

"Care for some more cake, Erza?" Mirajane gave her a light-hearted smile.

"No thank you, Mira."

The barmaid nodded before walking away. The _ice was broken_ , and all was right... sort of, people were still reeling in the fear of what they'd witnessed and the guild needed to be repaired. Not to mention people needed to be cared for, asap. _'She left quite a mess.'_ She mused studying her friend's handiwork, _'Poor Master.'_

Although calm, a lingering notion lagged through Erza's thoughts; a simple question that she needed an answer to, but she was unsure to whom she could ask such a, delicate question to. There were candidates who she could get an honest confession out of, however they weren't the _right_ candidates.

"Oh!" she had forgotten; there was indeed one individual she could confide in, but based on the type of person they were, she did not want to be an inconvenience and irritate them with a problem of hers that they would deem bothersome. Nonetheless, "Gajeel?"

Sitting next her, the reserved black-haired Dragon Slayer was leaning over the table; his cheek resting on his bare knuckle and his free arm laid out across the wooden surface before him – his fingers drumming the hard wood. It appeared that he was sleeping, for his eyes were concealed by a red bandana.

"Yeah...?" He answered; husky tone quipped with jadedness.

"Hold on...?" said Gray from across the room, "Has he been there this whole time?" He asked, blinking owlishly.

"I..." Lucy was at a loss, confused just as much as her guildmates and everyone else who appeared to have noticed the studded mage sitting next to Erza. _'When did he develop a lack of presence?'_ She wondered. Gajeel wasn't known for standing in the spotlight like everyone else, but people at least knew when he was present.

Now, people revered Erza Scarlet as a strong and confident woman; proud, and assertive – in addition to being _very_ scary. She knew how to boost morale and incite merit. However, only a minority of individuals knew the extent of her vulnerability, and bashfulness wasn't a common occurrence, so, in a rare show of self-consciousness, Erza Scarlet asked Gajeel Redfox one question...

"You don't think I'm, fat... do you?"

...

A pin drop, or a tumbleweed would've sufficed to prelude the comically dumbfounded looks on people's faces. Erza Scarlet; a woman with stylish – and questionable – sets of armour, and who cosplayed many outfits with brilliant sex appeal, was questioning her physique – and to add to the shock she was asking _Gajeel_ of all the people; someone considered to be the most antisocial and abrasive mage in Fairy Tail.

"He's doomed." Gray was sorry for the man; truly he was. He didn't care that Erza had looked normal now, she could easily be sent into a fit of rage again if Gajeel answered. The mage was now put on the spot, placed in position that was a lose-lose situation, and considering what kind of guy Gajeel is... Fairy Tail was bound to witness a second viewing of _**Hurricane Erza**_.

"Honestly, I don't see this ending well for him." Lucy agreed with the ice user. As she was certain like everyone believed, Gajeel did not seem to possess any sort of tact when it came to dealing with women.

"He _dead_." Said Happy, emphasizing the latter word in a joyful manner.

All anyone could see was tribulation befalling the metallic mage. Expecting a horrific end that may potentially outclass the one handed to the unconscious litter of folk, people held their breaths as Gajeel stopped his drumming and started to talk.

"Tch." Slipping a thumb underneath the vibrant red fabric he uncovers one crimson eye, giving Erza a sharp look, "No, I don't," he confessed, "Yer actually considerin' what those idiots said."

Hold on... this wasn't how the scene was meant to play out. In their minds, he was supposed to sound blunt and insensitive; give a snide remark that would get him blasted through the guild walls for his lack of subtlety.

"But you must admit, I do have a tendency to eat too much, sometimes. Now more than usual." Erza was nibbling her bottom lip, twiddling her thumbs underneath the table on her lap. She was quite flushed, and refused to look the Dragon Slayer in the eye.

"Yeah." He admitted. This time they were sure that this time Gajeel had blown his chance for survival, but, "And ya burn it all off anyways." He added.

 _'What is happening!?'_

Erza was taken aback by his last line – not as ridiculous as her guildmates, but taken aback all the same. Giving the man a sidelong glance she waited, knowing that there more to be said.

"You can eat as many strawberry cakes as ya want, and yer still gonna have the body of an Amazonian goddess." He finished, covering his eye and presumably drifting off.

 _'WWWHHHHAAAAAAAAT!?'_

"Amazonian...?"

"Goddess...?"

Erza's eyes widened. She could find no lie in his words; he genuinely thought that way about her. Lowering her head in a meagre attempt to hide her face, her mouth turned into a warm-hearted smile. Heart aflutter and feeling giddy, Erza was greatly surprised by Gajeel, and she clearly wasn't the only one.

"Okay... that's not normal." Gray was puzzled, and he wasn't sure whether he should feel impressed, cheated, lost, or just all-in-one.

Lucy for her part was thunderstruck, stuttering and lingering on the edge of her seat, about ready to fall over if she were struck with anymore shock, "H-he... h-he... _complimented_ her!?"

As for Cana; while her reaction may not have been of the same intensity as the blonde's, she was nonetheless stupefied, "Honestly... I'm impressed."

"He _li~kes_ her." Sang the blue Exceed.

"MANLY!" Bellowed the robust mage from across the guildhall.

The surprises kept on coming.

Picking up the fork she had set down, Erza broke off a piece of her cake. Lifting it and levelling a free hand below it the scarlet-haired woman brought the piece over to Gajeel, nudging him with her leg to grab his attention.

"Here." She offered.

Gajeel never had much of a sweet tooth and he only ever ate anything sweet on rare occasion. "Alright." Shrugging his shoulders without care he sat upright, turned to face Erza fully and leaned in to eat the offering.

This was unbelievable to them. Erza never shared her cake. _Never!_

Gray felt he had unknowingly been sent to another world; another parallel dimension – like Edolas – where Erza Scarlet was a timid and blushing young woman who, notably, shared her cake, "Seriously, what is going on!?"

"She _li~kes_ him."

"How is it?" Erza questioned, studying Gajeel closely.

Strawberry cake to her is divine. It may not be iron, or any other metal for that matter, but she was certain he'd like it. Baseless conjecture on her part but she did believe.

"Not bad..." Not the answer she had hoped for but it still counted as positive feedback, "But it's missing something."

"You think so?" frowning, her eyes became analytical. Fresh and vibrant; rich and creamy; sweet and savoury; soft and zesty; overall, simply delicious. "What could it possibly need."

"This."

What followed next threw people into shambles; bug-eyed and mouths agape, the watchful mages of Fairy Tail were outright flabbergasted. A sensory overload of pure awestruck that would go down in the guild's history book of memorable moments.

 _'Is he...?'_

Erza never saw it coming. One moment she was fixated, revaluating the intricacies and pros of her favourite dessert, and the next, the burly Dragon Slayer had grasped her chin – turned her head with little resistance – and kissed her full on her lips.

" _Huuuuuhhhhh!"_ Lucy wasn't sure she could take much more. _None of this_ made any sense to her. _Gajeel Redfox_ kissing _Erza Scarlet_.

"That's it." Throwing his hands up in defeat the Ice Alchemist simply chose to accept everything and anything that was to happen from then on. "I'm done."

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH!" Cana was having a field day. Gajeel had the cheek to kiss the _Queen of the Fairies_ and not get his lights punched out by the stunned, red-faced woman herself who was going along for the ride. "ATTA-BOY!"

"HE _LOOO~VES_ HER!"

"YEAH HE DOES!"

At the bar Elfman was a stone statue, and off to the side Lisanna was trying to snap her sister out of her shaky reverie, but ultimately having no luck. Makarov was still as white as a ghost – he was pretty much forgotten – and the only person left unfazed by Gajeel's bold action was Natsu.

"..."

The kiss was deep and amorous. Gajeel was dominant and Erza was at his mercy. Hot wasn't close; overheating was more accurate. When his tongue breached her mouth, and wrestled with her own organ, steam erupted from Erza's ears and her mind shut down.

 _'... ... ...'_

Retracting his tongue and parting from her orifice Gajeel gave her lips a peck before pulling away entirely.

The fierce red complexity of Erza's face lightened, with a clear majority subsiding leaving a nice, modest pink blush on her cheeks. Her eyes were vacant, and her brain was still functioning sedately, and it looked to be a while before she fully returned to her senses.

"Gi-Hi-Hi." A wolfish grin donned Gajeel's face. He got a good kick out of sending a woman like Erza into a stupor. Just like her guildmates she was prone to laughable amazement if you knew how to get the best reaction out of them, which he'd been doing all the way till now. "That good huh?"

Still dazed and nowhere near cooling off completely, Erza fought to speak coherently.

"W-What... Y-Y-You... B-But you...?"

"Don't like public displays of affection?" Said Gajeel, piecing together the redhead's muddled question.

She gave him a shaky nod.

"Still not used ta it." As he spoke Gajeel rested his forehead against Erza's, locking crimson eyes with her own chocolate pair, "But then, do I need a reason ta kiss my woman whenever I want?"

 _"WOMAN!?" (Will wonders never cease)_

"N- ... No..." She answered, "B-But-" Before having the chance to say anything more Gajeel kissed her again. Neither expecting, nor ready for another lip lock, Erza was once again overwhelmed by the bold action – and with emotions still unstable from the first time, the scarlet-haired knight blacked out.

Noticing her body slack and about ready to fall, Gajeel wraps an arm around Erza, and pulls her unconscious form towards himself – firmly pressed against his body. Resting his chin lightly atop her head and chuckling, the metallic mage claimed the fork from Erza's loose grip and lazily ate away at her cake. A high likelihood of him being reprimanded for finishing her cake was something he could count on. While an angry Erza spelled trouble for others, he himself found that dealing with the angry redhead could lead to some, amusing and _riveting_ confrontations.

As he expected from his earlier show of audacity, background gossip started to work its way into full swing, now louder than before.

Gajeel could distinctly hear Bunny Girl questioning the _when and how_ , and rambling about how him being in a relationship with Erza _didn't make sense_. Stripper, while obviously baffled at first, had adjusted and simply told the blonde she too should just accept rather than overthink things – and the drunk was spewing lewd comments and wanting to know if he'd already _"rocked her like a hurricane"._

"Bet he knows how to rub that pussy real good." The brunette said brazenly, giving off a sultry disposition.

"You _clearly_ want in on the action." Claimed the raven-haired ice user.

"Hey, if they're open to a threesome then I'm game." She replied smiling openly at the prospect.

"You honestly think Erza is gonna share him? heck, what makes you think they've had sex?" It wasn't his business if the two newly revealed couple had done the deed, but he couldn't picture the redhead as being someone being involved in a polygamous relationship.

"Pfft." Although she couldn't prove that the two mages had sex, Cana was firm in her belief that Erza had quite the naughty imagination. With the woman's taste in literature, and with the myriad of explicit outfits at her disposal it was safe to assume that Erza had some erotic fantasies she wanted to play out. "If you knew what I knew Gray, you'd think differently, _trust me_." She received a questionable look from him, laughing at his cluelessness. "And besides, if they haven't yet got down and busy, I'd be more than happy to watch Stud pop her cherry. I bet Titania will like the taste of _liquid steel_."

"OH GOD CANA STOP!" Lucy was blushing profusely, feeling uneasy from the Card Magic user's dirty talk.

Listening to Cana sound smutty, Gajeel couldn't help but shake his head and laugh.

"Do I want to know?" Shifting the slightest bit in his hold, Erza dismissed one of her pauldrons so that she could be closer to Gajeel.

"If ya ever wanna get another woman involved, there's someone _more than willing_ ta join." He told her casually, stabbing the last piece of strawberry cake he brought it to Erza's mouth.

"You can finish it."

"Not often ya let me have the last piece." He states, resting it on his tongue and moving his face in front of hers.

"I was feeling generous- Mmmph." For the third time, he captured her in another kiss, their tongues rolling and breaking down the last piece of cake before there was nothing left. He was being literal with the whole _kissing his woman whenever he wanted_.

From the bar Lisanna was observing the Fire Dragon Slayer, leaving her sister to just stand and stare. At first, she wondered why he had no reaction to witnessing Gajeel and Erza interact with familiarity, and then intimacy.

"You knew all along didn't you?" She figured.

"Yup."

"Dragon Slayer thing I take?" That's pretty much what these things came down to when it related to their kind. The draconic mages were always in the loop when it revolved around their kin. So, yes, it should not be a surprise at all if Wendy and especially Laxus – regardless of being Second Generation – were aware of Gajeel and Erza's relationship long before anyone else.

"Uh-huh."

"Scarlet hair... crimson eyes... Dragon Slayer... Re-quip... or _both?_ " Mirajane, with a twinkle in her sapphire eyes, was thinking about the couple's hypothetical love child. "Daddy's girl...? Or Mama's boy...?"

The youngest sibling was a bit surprised that her sister was clueless about everything. Then again, her lack of knowledge was certainly a result of how well the two individuals hid their status with one another. Plus, Lisanna had by now learned that Gajeel was a very private person and often kept his distance – so if Mirajane couldn't see any noteworthy change in the Dragon Slayer's behaviour, as well as not recognizing any significant change in Erza of all people, then the Demon wasn't finding out anything.

"Well, this is sure to be the talk of the guild for a while."

Certainly, before long the couple would be bombarded with questions. Lisanna could guess that Erza would be dragged away by her sister for some girl talk – along with Cana pushing in for some _extra_ details – and Gajeel was likely to avoid everyone altogether, barring the Dragon Slayers should they want to talk to him further at all about the relationship. And in proper Fairy Tail fashion –

"LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

At the Card Mages word everyone went into a spirited uproar, partying like there was no tomorrow. Well, all but one that is.

"...Why...?"

* * *

 **Fin**

* * *

 **If you happened to make it this far then that means you actually bothered to read this story all the way through. That or you skipped through some parts ;P**

 **As I mentioned in the A/N, this was an attempt at writing some humour; honestly this all sounded way funnier in my head so I haven't the slightest idea as to how funny you lot found this. Also, as ya would've read, this was a crackship of Erza and Gajeel. I've read a couple... plus one other, story with these two paired in the past and I figured _"why not?"_. I'm a bit odd - in the sense of anime/manga pairings - and honestly, when it comes to Fairy Tail there are canon pairings I don't care for in the slightest really. Not that I haven't read canon-paired stories - because I've read some damn good ones - but over time I wanted to see more crackships.**

 **Anyways that'll be all for now. Later.**


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